


Take Me Back

by keykiyoshi7443



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabbles, Gen, Idk fam, Mentions of Mary, Mentions of Sam/Jessica, Poems, Sam is kind of a brat, dean whump?, wtf is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9493010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keykiyoshi7443/pseuds/keykiyoshi7443
Summary: Dean had always looked after Sam. It was his job as a big brother





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [This Poem](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/260108) by We_The_Teens. 



_I was four_

_And you were an infant_

_We were happy_

_But not for long_

 

Dean was four and he’d just gotten a new brother. He can’t really say that he’d wanted one in the first place, but his mommy and daddy certainly had. They’d been so excited to tell him when they first found out, but Dean couldn’t help but think that it was bittersweet. He’d have to share now. He didn’t know how he felt about that.

At first he’d ignored it, but then his mommy’s tummy had started to grow round and he couldn’t really ignore it anymore. His daddy was fixing the spare room into a nursery and they were constantly talking about names. They encouraged him to join in and help, but he was reluctant to even think about would come next.

But the time flew by and soon Sam had arrived. Sam was the name his parents had decided on. It had been his mommy’s dad’s name, so they wanted to continue the tradition. Dean was named after his mommy’s mommy after all. But he needed to learn to deal with the fact that he was sharing is parents, because Sam was no longer an idea.

His parents no longer had the time for him, always looking after the new baby, and they were always tired. Dean knew that they needed all the rest they could get, so he didn’t whine or complain about how he felt. He just sat quietly ad watched. Life was good enough.

But then the fire happened, and everything changed. He’d woken up in the middle of the night and walked into Sam’s room after hearing a noise. He’d been greeted with the sight of his mother on the sealing with her gut slit and the room was on fire. His father had rushed in, grabbed the baby and told him to run.

He did.

 

_I was five_

_And I watched in awe_

_As you took your first steps_

_Towards me_

Of course at the time he hadn’t know that that was the last time he’d ever see that house. Or even live like a normal child. After that night, his father had seemed to go completely crazy. He was no longer his daddy. Only father now.

They had immediately taken to the road, and they hadn’t looked back since. Dad said they were hunting. What, Dean didn’t know. Although he had a sneaking suspicion that it was for mommy’s killer. But that bringing that up only made father angry, so he never brought it up.

But with all the hunting that his father was doing, he rarely had time for them. Dean was always left alone with Sam in a motel room. Sometimes for days on end. Father left enough food, so it wasn’t that bad. The only problem was that he had to look after Sam. Father hadn’t even picked up Sam since that fateful night when he handed him to Dean.

It was Dean’s job to raise Sam now. Being 5 himself, he didn’t really have much of an idea about what to do. But he figured learning how to talk and walk would be a good first step. The first time Sam walked across the room to Dean, he couldn’t help but laugh in joy.

Sam’s first word was ‘Dean’.

_I was ten_

_And your tooth fell out_

_I cleaned up the blood_

_And lied about the tooth fairy_

Now Dean knew what his father was hunting. And he really wasn’t pleased to find out that all those bed time stories were actually real and his father had taken it upon himself to kill them all. He even wanted them to follow in his footsteps! That was ridiculous. He had even started training Dean already!

Goodbye, whatever piece of childhood he had left.

But he understood that some of his training was useful. He had to protect Sammy. It was the one job that he couldn’t fail. He couldn’t afford to let Sam die, otherwise he’d have nothing left. His dad had been gone for a long time. So he continued to raise Sam to the best of his ability while trying to pass school. But there was only so much he could do.

Sometimes he just didn’t know what to do. He was _10._ How was he supposed to understand how to raise a child? His own childhood was a mess, but he did the best that he could to be able to give Sam a semi decent one at least. And so when Sam came running into the other room with blood dripping out of his mouth and tears streaming down his face, Dean panicked.

It turns out that he’s been wiggling his loose tooth and had accidentally pulled it out, causing the blood. Dean still remembered when he lose his first tooth, and how his father had just raised an eyebrow at him and went back to cleaning his gun. Dean knew how it hurt, so he did his best to not be his father.

He got a cool damp cloth and wiped all the blood off of his face and held an ice pack to it to dull the pain. Then he spun an elaborate tale about the tooth fairy and how she was a nice magical creature that would leave him a gift in exchange for his tooth. Sam’s face had lit up in excitement after that.

(Of course he had no way of knowing that they’d face the tooth fairy later in life, but hindsight is 20/20)

But believing in childish creatures was toeing the line. His father had made it pretty clear that Sam was not to know about the family business until he was much older. (Definitely older than what Dean was now.) But this childish fluffy idea couldn’t do much harm right? It had gotten a smile about out of Sam though, so it was worth any reprimands that his father would give him.

Later he’d sneak a small gift for Sam under his pillow.

_I was twelve_

_And you wanted a bike_

_You threw a tantrum_

_And didn’t talk to me for a week_

 

Sam was now in school, and he had friends. Dean had never been good at adjusting to a new city, but Sam was a much better people person than he’d ever been. So Sam made friends, and with these friends came idea on how life should be for _normal_ people. Sam wanted to be like how all the other kids were.

He wanted a mom and a house and a stable life. He wanted to stop moving around so much, and he wanted John to get a stable job. He still had no idea about the family business, but that didn’t stop him from whining and complaining about how _hard_ his life was. That comment really irked Dean, because did he really not remember just how much Dean had sacrificed for him in the first place?

Then Sam wanted a bike so that he could hang out with his friends after school. There was already the whole threat of the thing John was hunting (who happened to target kids about Sam’s age) so Sam really should not be going out without Dean, and there was also the fact that they could barely afford food. A bicycle was out of the question. 

Sam threw a tantrum and blamed the entire thing on Dean.

_I was seventeen_

_You couldn’t stop reading, learning_

_I was a high school drop-out_

_Wearing our dad’s leather jacket_

Dean had dropped out of high school much to Sam’s displeasure. Sam was obsessed with learning, and he felt that Dean should be too. He was still hung up upon his ideas of “normal” and how things should be. He was constantly lecturing Dean on how he should value education and want to make more out of himself.

Dean lied to him about why he dropped out in the first place.

Sam knew by now what the family business was, and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He insisted that it shouldn’t be _their_ job to try and clean up the world, and he absolutely hated John for it. For dragging them into this life. He thought that Dean just hated school, and was only planning on becoming a solo hunter when he was an adult. As it was, Dean was always there as back up for John’s hunts now.

But that wasn’t the only reason he dropped out of school. Sure he knew that John needed the backup, and he did hate school. But there was more to him than that. He wasn’t just the playboy hunter that his brother was firmly convinced he was. Dean knew that he just wasn’t cut out for the life that Sam thought they should have.

He’d had to raise Sam since he was 4 years old, and he was fully entrenched in the hunting world. It was one of the only things he was good at; looking after Sam and hunting. He wasn’t as smart as Sam was, there was nothing there for him in the real world. He just wasn’t cut out for it.

It was pointless to hope.

There was also the fact that John rarely worked anymore. He was obsessed with the hunt, and all of his scams. And while Dean loved to scam and cheat as much as the next guy, Sam hated it. So, to be able to pay for all the things they needed, Dean needed to get jobs. He simply didn’t have enough time to work all the hours he needed when he was at school, so the obvious solution was to drop out so Sam didn’t have to.

Sometimes Dean found the fact that Sam thought he was nothing like John was hilarious. Sam was convinced that Dean was becoming just like John, but Dean had always been too emotional. A good soldier, never meant to rise the ranks. But Sam had that single minded determination and anger that motivated him. So much anger.

But still Sam was all high and mighty and self-righteous for ‘doing the right thing’ and not ‘giving in to John’s influence’. Being his own man: he claimed. Dean desperately wished that he could do that.

_I was twenty two_

_You left me alone_

_With a father I loved_

_Who was blinded by grief_

 

At first Dean had thought that Sam’s thirst for being normal would just be a temporary phase. He had no problems with Sam’s obsession with knowledge. All the better actually. Sam should go after what he was passionate for, and knowledge was never a bad thing. No matter how much Dean joked about him being a nerd, he was actually glad that it put Sam in a position where he wouldn’t be on the front lines but in the back ground with information to help.

He was a researcher at heart, not a killer.

But then he’d caught Sam looking in awe at a letter, and his entire world changed from there. Before, his life had revolved around family. Take care of Sam, support John. It was how things were and it was what Dean knew how to do. But then Sam had stared at him with such a look of happiness on his face as he proudly showed his acceptance letter to _Stanford_ with a full ride and he’d melted.

He couldn’t take away Sam’s happiness. So with a heavy heart and a bright fake smile plastered on his face, he helped Sam pack up and drove him to the bus station. He would handle John, he’d told Sam. He’d make sure that John wouldn’t come after him. So long as Sam promised to live life to the fullest and enjoy his normal.

Sam took it at face value, and didn’t bother to look into a deeper meaning. He didn’t look back.

The very next day, John got completely smashed and refused to look at Dean for the amount of shame that he felt. He blamed Dean for the fact that Sam was gone and he wasn’t afraid to show it. The morning after that he woke up to find that John was gone.

Dean was alone.

_I was twenty six_

_When I begged you to come back_

_I’m sorry_

_About the fire on the ceiling_

Despite John’s absence, he’d still made an effort to check in. Or at the very least, responded when Dean sent a message to see if he was still alive. Dean had begun to hunt on his own, working with other hunters sometimes. But at the end of the day, he was still alone. But then John had stopped responding. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

So he gave in to that little voice inside his head and he went to get Sam. He just didn’t know what to do and all he could think about was getting his little brother and father back. All he wanted was for his family to be back together again.

He’d been a little surprised to find out that Sam had gotten a girlfriend – and soon to be fiancé – but his success was not surprising in the least. He’d been disappointed to find all these worldly attachments, because it meant that Sam wouldn’t be there to stay. But he was thankful for the time he had with his estranged brother all the same.

Things had been going fine, but then tragedy had struck, and history had repeated itself. He found himself having to carry his little brother out of a burning building after witnessing a blond woman die on the ceiling from a gut wound and the fire.

After seeing Sam’s reaction after the funeral, Dean never thought Sam was more like his father.

_I’m twenty seven_

_And beneath my hands_

_Your body is cold_

_But not for long_

 

Dean couldn’t believe it. Sam was dead. He wasn’t there with Dean anymore and he’d been by his side for so long he didn’t really know what to do without Sam. He’d practically raised the kid, and no matter how much Sam had hurt him over the course of his life, he couldn’t stop loving him.

All of his life, his only job had been to look after Sam. And now he was gone. Lying dead on the bed, and Bobby was outside waiting to find out what he’d do next. He was lost. He didn’t know what he could possibly do. What was he without Sam? There was nothing he _could_ do. Unless…

Well that certainly was an option.

He stalked out of the room after sending one last look at Sam’s cold dead body. He wondered how far away the nearest crossroads was.


End file.
